This is a short reflection, to be sure.
I cannot focus on even reading as I am so emotion filled. Sadly I have no outlet to expel it, this is the best I have.
I am very conflicted about what I want, what I need and what I should do in so many respects. And these build up inside me and I have no living person I feel comfortable speaking with over here, for as I have said before I do not feel comfortable speaking with them, and further, most do not have a true interest in my future and my welfare. It is very difficult.
To write here is like speaking endlessly to a beautiful wall-- it feel great to get it out of your system, but in the end, you know it falls on the deaf and no one will reply. No comfort, condolence or advice extended.
I feel very, very alone. Isolated. I have begun to collect little fragments of my nostalgic memories and cradle them close to my cheek. Cradle them frequently.
I do not like being emotional, but I have held back so much.
I am going to dissolve into a scintillation of ecstasy, woe, wrath, fear and anguish when I return to my sunny shores.
It will be spectacular and horrific.
I hope everyone will be ready, and I apologize in advance.
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